By Tara Zucker
I love Hollywood. I’m not talking about the actual place that’s called “Hollywood,” with streets and buildings and people. I’m talking about Hollywood as a path to escape and adventure. A place where all my dreams come true, and I don’t even have to get off the couch.
Face it. Actually being a superhero, or a spy, or a beautiful woman caught between two attractive lovers sounds good in theory. If you think about it, though, there are some real issues. It’s hard to make dinner plans with that cute guy from accounting when you’re on call any time, day or night. And although dating a werewolf sounds exciting, I live in an apartment building and my neighbors complain if I play the radio too loud; I can just imagine how they’d react to all the howling.
I do need some excitement in my life, though. And that’s what Hollywood is for. Just give me a dark room, a big bowl of popcorn, and I’m good.
I mean, honestly. In real life, if you sat next to a cute guy in a coffee shop and he held his nose and turned away? You’d get up and leave, right? Okay, so you would never meet your vampire lover and eventually become a vampire yourself, but I would be okay with that. The fall TV season is about to start, and if I was out hunting for blood every night I’d miss all my shows. I’ll go with the Hollywood experience for this one.
Oh, and when it comes to actual physical danger, like running away from determined people with sharp, painful arrows? I will also pass in real life, thank you very much. I’m just getting over a summer cold and I’m not really 100% right now. But the Hollywood version? Absolutely! Bring it on!
And while I understand the appeal of bad boys, I don’t need to actually date any of them. It sounds like it would be flattering to have two wealthy brothers both fall in love with me upon my return from Paris (looking all sophisticated and suddenly an expert in scarves) but I know what would really happen. Thanksgiving would be a nightmare, no matter which brother I picked. I’ll kick back on the couch and let Sabrina figure that one out.
I guess I’m just too practical. It sounds like fun to be a secret princess, but think of the paparazzi. Lavish parties in huge mansions? Three words: dry cleaning bills. Thanks to Hollywood, I can have all the adventures I want, without any of the complications. So I say hooray for Hollywood, romance and adventure. But there really is no place like home!
Tara Zucker's humor about collectibles, fashion, and home decor have been featured on a variety of online portals. She also creates content for clients ranging from rock bands to authors at Post Haste Media. "Growing up, I always had some off-brand fashion doll. Now that I write about the real thing, I've proved it's never too late to have a happy childhood!"
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